Personal

I love lists. I make lists for my cats, I make lists for what yoga asanas I want to work on, and I make lists of all the Lush products I own (true story; they’re all categorised by item type). So as you can tell, lists are major in my life, and as 2017 has come to an end, I only felt it natural to write a list of things I took away from this year of love and loss.

• There’s no point being afraid most of the time.
  • I suffer from Health Anxiety, which to put it in a nutshell, means I’m fixated with the idea that I have an illness or will be afflicted with one. This has consumed the better part of 2017 (11 months of it, if I’m being specific), and I spent most of my time being scared shitless. I dropped a quarter of my body weight because I developed a severe case of acid reflux, and was too scared to eat anything other than labneh, toast, and bananas for 9 months. Imagine, 9 months without pizza. WITHOUT FREAKING PIZZA. I’m a little better now, but if I feel any pain anywhere on my body I’m already thinking worst case scenarios. If this is something you suffer from, go seek professional help immediately; this isn’t something you can treat yourself by reflecting on life and mindful colouring. Trust me.
• Do what you love.
  • Whether it’s petting cats all day, or building an empire. DO IT. Be a boss and never be afraid to go after your dreams. If you fail, then high five to you for trying; all you have to do now is get back on that proverbial horse and go after another dream. In January 2017, I quit my corporate job that provided me with a steady salary, medical insurance, a budding career because I didn’t feel like I belonged to the humdrum of the corporate life (plus, office politics were draining me mentally). With my mental wellness on the line, I did what any self-respecting person would do, and I “Bye, Felicia”-ed that joint! I returned to my radio job after a 5 year hiatus, and even though there were hiccups here and there, when you love something you don’t just let go. You hold on to your passion with every fibre of your being, because it’s what gets you out of the bed every morning. And that’s what being on the radio does for me – it drives me beyond recognition.
• People will want to see you fail.
  • Whether it’s a friend, manager, or colleague there will always be at least one person that, unfortunately for them, revels in seeing you fail. I’ve been in the middle of one too many of these circles of hate. And yes, it drained me emotionally and mentally, and I felt defeated to the point where I wanted to give up (and in some cases, I have). But you know what I realised? When people try to tear you down, it’s because of the insecurities that fester deep within themselves; it has nothing to do with you as a person. This dawned on me after months of being bullied, but I blame myself for not taking charge of my emotions earlier. Here I am now, persevering, following passions, and being the best version of myself that I can be.
• People are going to leave.
  • My best friend, of four years, and I broke up last year after an argument that turned very ugly very fast. Words were said, feelings were hurt, and our friendship died. It’s been extremely difficult, and I’ve been mourning the end of the friendship for months, but it’s also made me appreciate the people in my life who accept me fully for who I am.
• Yoga is life.
  • Yoga is life! I had to put a halt to my yoga journey earlier last year because of how crippled acid reflux made me feel; I couldn’t even do downward dog without thinking I was having a heart attack. Ugh, what an awful time that was. Now, I’m doing headstands and practicing Ashtanga yoga like it isn’t anyone’s business!
• Love yourself, always.
  • This realisation didn’t come to me overnight. Honestly, I still struggle with the notion of loving myself, because there are so many things I feel very insecure about – uhh, hello anxiety (but really, goodbye already). From the anxiety that clouds my mind, to breaking up with my best friend, learning to love myself was an amalgamation of my experiences last year. How wonderful is it that from the worst of experiences blossoms something so beautiful!

If I’m going to leave you (and myself) with advice for 2018 it’s to avoid regrets, develop yourself, support others, and always do good.

Happy New Year!

Self expression comes in many forms. This is one of mine. I can’t say putting on the hijab was a spur of the moment decision; I’ve been preparing myself on both a spiritual and mental capacity, for months. To me, this isn’t just a symbol of modesty, but it’s also a representation of my faith.

Walking out with the hijab on for the first time was both exhilarating and terrifying. I was way too wrapped up (pun unintended) with whether or not it was going to fall of my head, or if I had it on correctly. I didn’t recognise myself whenever I’d catching glimpses of myself in the mirror! However, by the end of the day, I had already gotten so accustomed to having it on; it felt so very natural, and that’s when I knew I had made the right decision.

I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy, and one of the most important factors that eased my decision, and transition, was my family and close friends’ encouragement. I’m lucky to have such a strong support system. Last, but certainly not least, shout out to my dear friend Ascia for teaching me how to cover my hair, and her patience with me wrapping and unwrapping my hijab until I got right! Confidence goes a long way when it comes to making such a monumental decision, hijab or not!

To all women who are teeter-tottering with the idea of putting on the hijab, remember this: It’s your decision, and how you choose to wear it is between you and God. Do what you feel is right, and never do anything to please others. Put yourself first. Always.

Balloons from my birthday dinner!

I recently turned the big three-oh! Hitting 30 is quite the milestone: we’re done with school, start to make significant strides in our career, and are finally on a path of self-understanding and self love. No lies here, I won’t say I wasn’t terrified, because I was. Thirty: I’m an adult, an actual adult now. Gone were my twenties: the time where recklessness was given a pass, and people threw around the term “youth” at us. However,  I realised that ‘youth’ in its simplest meaning isn’t what defined me. I am not my age. I looked back at my twenties, and it was a decade filled with ups and downs, and an insane amount of learning curves – for all that, I’m grateful.

Where do I see myself in 10 years? I don’t know! Do you? Does anyone, really? I personally don’t believe in putting together 5 and 10 year plans; they’re more of an obstacle – a hinderance even – to any potential a person can really achieve. What I’d really like to do is spend the upcoming decade living in the here and now and not try to contain myself in a box chock-filled with cookie-cutter expectations. People change, thoughts change, and I don’t want to limit myself to turning into a person I may have wanted to be at one point or the other. I’m pretty excited about what my thirties have in store for me – whatever it may be – so bring.it.on!

To wrap up, here’s a list of 30 things I wish I could’ve told my 20 year-old self, and things I’ve learnt over the last decade:

1. Love yourself.
2. Don’t be scared to be different and do things differently.
3. Always try to be the best person you can be.
4. Don’t dwell or hold grudges.
5. Never compare yourself to others.
6. Be you! Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
7. If you fail, try again, and again…and again.
8. Appreciate your parents and what they’ve done for you.
9. It’s okay to be vulnerable; allow others to see you at your worst.
10. Nothing is impossible.
11. Never bottle up your emotions. Cry, kick, scream, and shout if you have to.
12. Laugh your heart out. Laugh lines are a sign of a life well lived.
13. Exercise more. It’s fun (promise!).
14. Tell your family you love them.
15. Friends are the family we choose – pick them wisely.
16. Travel more. It’s both enriching and humbling.
17. Learn to forgive (even without an apology).
18. Don’t harbour negative feelings, they will only make you feel worse.
19. Change is growth.
20. Never lose your passion, no matter what it is.
21. Make sure your job doesn’t interfere with the more important things in life: your health, relationships, and passion.
22. Always look at the bigger picture.
23. Put good out there and you will be rewarded.
24. Hold on to and learn from people who help you bring out the best version of yourself.
25. If it seems too good to be true, it most probably is. But hey, a learning curve’s a learning curve!
26. Own up to your mistakes, and celebrate your successes.
27. Yoda said it best, “Do or do not, there is no try.”
28. It’s the small things in life that count; learn to appreciate them.
29. Make an effort at everything you attempt.
30. Love.